Just a reminder that you can follow me on Instagram. I share all sorts of silly memes and a few personal things here and there. I also have a few other Instagrams too. Check out my profile for additional links
Thanks!
– LadySkullshine
Category Archives: Random
Missing Dream Recall
I really wish I could remember my dreams. I dont even have that partial one when you’re waking up. Nothing. I’ve researched dreams, tried certain stones to help recall them, listened to audiobooks, and even chanted myself to sleep in hopes that I’d remember them.
I literally don’t know what else to do.
I think a big part of the reason I really want to remember my dreams is, because I read that a lot actually takes place during this time. You can receive messages from loved ones that have passed, or your guardian angels.
Most people don’t even realize it and overlook so many things. A lot also probably think I’m crazy for saying it. But I’m aware of these spiritual things and I’m interested, yet I can’t recall any part of my dreams. That’s very frustrating to me.
If anyone has anything new I can try, please let me know. Thanks bunches!
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@malakai_the.rat.king
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2021 Resolutions
2020 was crazy in so many ways. For me, it ended very well overall. I’m so extremely grateful.
I can barely tell you what I plan to accomplish today, let alone any serious resolutions for 2021. I just hope to continue on this path of who I am now in life. I’m far from perfect, but I’m happy, and feel like I’m in a very good place in general.
If anything, I’ll strive to better myself. Among so many things I need to battle, I may poke the anxiety bear a bit more. I need to also find more ways to focus properly, instead of letting my OCD and ADHD fight it out. I lose so much time, and my mind in the process.
Thank you to those that have put up with me along my life’s journey. Especially when I wasn’t at my best. I appreciate all of you. Mostly those that stuck through the many phases of Jessie. Even if you have been a jerk to me, I probably gained a lesson from you. So thank you as well.
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RIP Laptop 2020-2020
Unfortunately, my laptop will not turn back on, as of this afternoon. I literally just bought it this year, second hand. It didn’t even make it to the end of 2020. It’s somehow fitting for the year we’ve had.
I’m so extremely upset about this. I can’t get any of my work done. I’ll do my best to still post, but I’m limited as to what I can really do on my phone.
Luckily, I recently started saving up my Amazon gift cards for one. I just didn’t expect it to be this soon. Or this tragic. I hope I can somehow get some files off of it yet. Have I mentioned how upset I am?
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Hello Medium World
I just made my first post on Medium. Since I do want to write more and increase my audience, I thought I would give Medium a try.
If you currently use Medium, please follow me.
Thank you!
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Happy Veterans Day!
Thanks to everyone who has served!
I hope everyone had a wonderful day. Stay safe!
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Rats, Cars, and More
I had full intentions of making more financial posts, but as usual, I’m all over the place. To be fair, we have had a lot going on recently.
Monday our pet rat Nora gave birth to at least 12 babies. Then Thursday, our other rat Dollie gave birth to about 17 babies. We haven’t been able to properly count yet. It’s been a bit crazy. We will be adopting them out in about six weeks.
I also have been trying to get my car fixed. That has been an ongoing debacle of sorts for nearly this entire year. I think we are finally getting somewhere with that. I’m hoping anyways. I already had to give up on one car this year after dumping a bunch of money into it. It just had too much going on. Now I’m running into a lot of the same issues. At least, this time, I think we are heading in the right direction.
Earlier this week, I made an attempt to focus on other things. I even took a few days off from my normal work tasks. Except, the election has me glued to the all sorts of media. So, I haven’t accomplished anything in the end. Besides, adding some more anxiety that I didn’t need.
I did actually create a few site pages that you will be seeing shortly. I’m constantly moving things and fixing them, then adding more. Sorry about that. This time, I decided to bring back a photos page to display some of my favorites. There will be a lot of old pics, with a few new ones mixed in.
That’s all for now. I really need some ice cream!
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Political Judgement Anxiety
I made a post on Facebook today. I rarely do that. It was due to the politically enraged posts I’ve been seeing. I have enough anxiety as it is over who will win the election. I just felt the need to express myself. I actually wrote what I wanted to say about a day or two ago, then never shared it. Luckily it was still in my drafts. Of course I read it again and reworded it. Several times. Panic set in. I hesitated multiple times.
Then finally posted this…
I’m sorry for the long post but I feel the need to say this. It’s regarding the recent flood of political posts.
I see my friends and family members arguing either on their own pages or even on public news ones. Or those that say to unfriend them for this or that. I read and continue scrolling, knowing how that person feels. I don’t delete or comment. I don’t normally discuss politics anyways, but it’s to the point that I’ve been worried to even hint who I voted for. I’m afraid I will be judged and will lose some people that I truly consider friends.
That’s sad. It’s sad I’m worried about that, but it’s also sad that some of you would actually delete me just for that reason. I just know how strongly some of you feel and how savage you’ve been. I also know the friendships I’ve had with some of you that I’d hate to lose.
Honestly, I don’t unfriend for different views or ways of life. I do not judge anyone based on age, race, diet preference, religion, gender, music choice, sexual preference, profession, friend affiliation, political party, or what color narwhal you choose to be for the day.
I care that you are a decent human being. That’s it. That’s all. Be good to yourself and others.
Sorry again for the long post. Thanks for reading! 
After I posted it, I couldn’t breathe. I closed my phone and made dinner. When I checked my notifications, I saw that a few others have agreed. I felt better. I understand having strong views and wanting to be heard, but things are so very out of control. People are only dividing themselves, creating hate and destruction on so many levels.
I’m sure I’ll be judged for wanting things to be all unicorns and sparkles, but then everyone already knows that about me LOL.
Thanks for visiting.
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I Should Be Sleeping
I really should be sleeping. I know. I always should be doing something I’m not. Especially when it comes to sleeping. The regular world is sleeping. My household is sleeping. At least, I believe my children are asleep. I will be checking on them shortly before I do eventually go to sleep.
I do this every night. Every single night. I don’t mean to. My mind just doesnt stop. I can’t shut it off. Ever. Until it finally shuts down for a few hours to nap. I get up repeatedly. I finally nap for a few more hours.
Then when I finally wake up, I feel like I have to gradually attempt to function in general. On rare occasions, I sprint out of bed, ready to go. Regardless, once I do get myself together, I try to focus. But it doesn’t matter what I do. How I start off. What my mindset is. How determined I am. I always end up with my mind racing in all sorts of directions. I’m constantly doing multiple things at once. I can never seem to catch up.
By the end of the night, I’m freaking out. I’m angry with myself. I’ve accomplished nothing! I’ve accomplished a lot, actually. But nothing that should have been done. It’s very upsetting. I get side tracked. I forget what I was doing and go off to do something else. At some point I will actually wander back to that area and see the mess, then realize I was in the middle of something. Then I work on that for a bit until the next distraction. I’m constantly bouncing around from task to task.
I’ve tried so many things to help me get back on track. I feel bad because my fiance gets upset with me when he thinks I’m doing this on purpose. I try to explain to him that no, I just don’t get things done in general. I mean, it gets done. Just not always right away, not in the correct order, and not at the correct times. So basically, if it dawns on me at 10:30 PM that I wanted to vacuum, then I’ll quick get it done. That’s just a minor example. I do get out of control at times.
I’m pretty sure I would drive anyone crazy. My family knows all this and they love me bunches LOL. They must or they wouldn’t put up with me. Speaking of, I must check on my babies. Then, I need to somehow manage to get some sleep, so I can try to conquer another day. Hopefully I don’t fall into that dreaded trap once again.
My head is already swimming in all the things that need to get done. I just can’t ever make it stop. If it wouldn’t disrupt my household or my complete sleeping schedule, I would get up and do multiple things right now. I really wish I could, but I also do need to be up early. I must place my grocery order. Then I shall see one of my super awesome friends. Let’s hope I don’t jump out of bed minutes before she arrives.
I really should be sleeping already.
Thanks for reading my 1:30 AM ramblings. Good night.
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Vicious Mental Cycles
This morning, I had an appointment with my doctor. I’m so happy these have been virtual. I had to go over my mental health treatment plan. The place where I get my head medications and therapy does this every so often. It’s basically to review my progress from where I was last time compared to how I feel now. I’m actually in a lot better of a place than I was before. I knew I was, but not to this extent. It definitely made me feel a lot better.
As per usual, my anxiety and panic attacks are constantly through the roof. I haven’t been on edge quite as much though. Next, you have the out of control OCD and ADHD tendencies. Oh, and my cringing PTSD symptoms are the same. However, I do feel like my depression, anger, and impulses have gotten a lot better. Yeah I’m still a major mess. (My therapist won’t let me say “train wreck” anymore.)
One of my issues that really irritates me is this constant vicous cycle that I keep falling into. To start, and I hate saying it, but I have a really hard time waking up. It’s like my brain is just still numb from the previous day’s craziness. I used to open my eyes and just stare in space, then periodically fall back to sleep. I’ve gotten a lot better with that. I’m up earlier and just get up and start doing things. You know, like a normal person would do.
My mind is constantly racing nonstop. I’m always doing several different projects at once. I get super focused for a while. I also get side tracked really easily. And very often. A lot of the time, I have a hard time prioritizing. I know what’s most important and what should be done first. I also make lists to help me organize. I just feel like everything has to be done right now. Then I get overwhelmed and can’t sort things out or even think straight.
As the day goes on, I’m scrambling to get it all finished. It quickly becomes evening, and I get really upset with myself. I barely did anything on my list, if I even looked at it at all. Over time, I’ve even used several different formats of lists in an attempt to see what will help me the most. I’m still working on that. Bedtime comes and my mind will never shut down.
I feel guilty for sleeping because I still have so many things to do. I feel like I’ve let others down. I want to get up and keep going. I want to write things down that cross my mind. I want to do some brainstorming. I want to hop on the computer and do some tasks or surveys for extra money. Then I worry that I might wake someone up. Or I might sleep in even longer if I stay up too late. I already have a really hard time sleeping. At some point, I finally pass out. I wake up multiple times throughout the night.
Then I struggle to wake up, and do it all again.
It’s a constant struggle, but I am working on it. I’m sorry to anyone this has affected. I really don’t mean for it to happen. It gives me even more anxiety just thinking about it.
Yet, I keep getting stuck in this vicious cycle.
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Sunday Ramblings
I need to write more, but I always run into some sort of issue.
My mind wanders. I get side tracked. I feel like I have a million things to do. I wonder what I should even write about. There’s a thousand stories in my head, but does anyone want to hear them? My anxiety gets the best of me. Is my grammar proper? Are the colors acceptable? I start to write, sometimes even write all of it, then I decide it’s nonsense. I read my words over and over until they mean nothing anymore. Then I place it in the drafts folder. Forever. I want feedback, but I’m afraid to be judged. I want to be better, but worry it will never be enough. The list goes on and on, but most of it is in my head. I know this.
So, I think I will start this new thing. I’ll just start sharing stories, memories, rants and raves, favorite pics, quick snippets, long winded posts, whatever, and so on. Or at least, I will attempt this and see how long it lasts. Please stop me at any point if I’m getting out of control in some way. Kick me when I’m slacking, or nudge me when I’m hiding in the corner afraid to say anything. I really do want to know if what I’m doing here matters to others.
I’m always so worried about what everyone thinks, what they want to read about, and what they want to see here. I constantly ask for feedback from friends, family, fans, and even complete strangers. A few broken links were pointed out, but that’s about it. Honestly, I have only heard and read positive things about my site and what I post on social media. I’m beyond happy about that. There’s times that I get concerned when I don’t get any feedback, but then I remind myself that I also didn’t hear anything bad.
Hopefully everyone wasn’t just being nice to me and are now laughing at me behind my back. I worry about silly things like that. I also worry about what personal information I have shared here and what people think of me. I’m a nobody, but I have experienced a lot of things. I feel like I’ve been down the rabbit hole a few times throughout my life. I’ve changed so many times in so many ways, literally going in completely different directions. I’m so far from where I once was.
“I can’t go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.” – Lewis Carroll, Alice In Wonderland
Now and always, my main focus is family of course. Part of that is making sure I can do all I can for them. This includes financially, but I’ve had some massive struggles in this department. It kills me because I’ve worked since I was 13 years old. I’ve also managed my own money since then. I’ve made a ton of mistakes, and should be way better off now that I’m 45.
I started to really look into anything I could do to save some money. That quickly turned into what can I do to make a few extra bucks. I’ve done a ton of research and testing in the process. I know how frustrating it is to go through all of that. So, I wanted to share and help others to do the same. After a while, I figured I could repurpose my site and share on my social media. I hate to spam anyone. I feel like most people don’t want to be bothered with this type of information. But then there’s those out there that I know could really use it. I hope I’m able to help in some way.
Also I want to mention that if you are going to try something out, please do use my referral links and codes. In most cases, I will receive an incentive. Sometimes you will also get something. I am torn about posting referral bonus information on my site. I’d like to but I also don’t want to cite incorrect information when it changes. So regardless of anything I ever mention here, please always verify all information with the company in question. I have no affiliation other than referring them.
It goes without saying that you should remember that everyone’s experience will vary accordingly. For example, I can do a whole lot better with surveys. I don’t apply myself as much as I should. But, I’ve looked into a lot of the survey companies out there. So I have a good idea of who pays what and the level of involvement. Someone else can then build on that.
That’s all. Sorry for the long winded post. I guess the moral to my story is that I will be sharing a bunch more randomly and I hope some of it helps someone out there.
Oh and by the way, I really do want to change the name from LadySkullshine eventually. I’m just having a hard time coming up with a new one. Sparkling Savings, The Savings Lady… Yeah, that’s all I got so far LOL. Any thoughts?
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Have You Seen A Fuggler?
I’ve never heard of a Fuggler until just recently. They are quite interesting ‘Funny Ugly Monsters’.
Scarlet saw something at Five Below with one of these creatures on it. She thought it was the stuffed animal. To be honest, neither of us really checked it. Scarlet was just so happy. Until we got home. She ripped it open & found puzzle pieces inside. She was so upset and I felt really bad about it. So, I told her to pick out her favorite one on Amazon.
This is the one she chose. She absolutely loves this little guy.
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Family, Happiness, & Crystals
This weekend was super awesome. Friday, Scarlet and I picked up her sister Haley. She ended up staying the weekend. We had a ton of fun. It was great to have her home with us. It was the happiest I’ve been for a very long while. We were sad to drop her off Sunday, but I’m very grateful that we got to spend the time with her.
On the way home, Scarlet and I stopped at Enchanted Meadows. It’s a local Metaphysical shop that we have been wanting to go in for a long time. They had a lot of really cool items. We chatted with the owner for a while, and learned a few things.
Scarlet got a feather dip pen and some all purpose ink. Then we looked though all the crystals to see what their properties were. She chose the yellow jasper, to help her with procrastination, intellect, and friendship. She also got a few other recommended stones. The owner was super nice and gave her an extra one for free. I got a kyanite to help with chakras and to remember my dreams, and a angelite for communication with the angels.
I wasn’t allowed to touch Scarlet’s because she already cleaned them lol, so they are shown here in her satchel bag.
Overall, it was the best weekend we’ve had in a while.
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New Sites And More
Of course, I had the usual daily chores and then some today. It’s normally a bit crazy here. I took Scarlet shopping for some clothes and whatnot. Her sister Haley is visiting from Canada, so she needed some fancy clothes. This morning, we had a slight emergency with one of our pet rats, Dollie. Her one eye wouldn’t open. She’s much better now.
Once things calmed down a bit, I ventured online to get a few things done. I visited Wattpad for a bit. I recently created an account, but I’m not really familiar with this platform yet. I wasn’t sure if I would actually write there, read other’s stories, or just share some links. I do kind of like the book format, so I started to write a guide. I didn’t get very far, but you’re welcome to check it out.
I then headed over to Quora, and decided to create a “Space”. If I understand correctly, it’s basically a group. If you’re on Quora and want to check it out, I called it ‘Supplement Your Income‘.
At some point in there, I learned all about Narwhals. We had the Paranormal show on in the background. There was a unicorn sighting, which prompted a debate over their existence. This then led to the unicorns of the sea, Narwhals. I felt the need to read up on them a bit after this. When Scarlet is done playing Roblox with her friends, I will share my newfound knowledge. She will greatly appreciate that.
Thanks for taking a moment to read this. Have a great day!
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Lost Without My Fitbit
Happy Saturday! I’ve been so swamped with my daughter’s schooling and some new online tasks that I recently found. I’ll be sharing this soon, as they have already paid me. Since I had this new income, and cashed out on a few apps, I decided it was time to make a decent purchase for myself. Of course, using the Amazon gift cards that I’ve earned.
My Fitbit Ionic stopped working properly almost two months ago. It wasn’t tracking things like it should and not showing the right time. I did everything I could to fix it, but eventually it stopped charging altogether. I researched new ones, and spent even longer trying to justify spending the money in my head.
I really missed my Fitbit. I never looked at the actual watch, but I’m a dork for the slew of information it captures and the stats. I feel lost without it. I also want to start using the other features like Spotify and FitPay. I finally broke down and purchased the Fitbit Charge 4.
It arrived today, and of course I immediately dropped it when I removed it from the box. It seems to be okay. I was able to set it up quickly and easily. My smart scale is connected, and I’m ready to try to lose some weight again. I was doing great until a few months back. It may be new medications or stress, but it needs to stop.
Add me to your Fitbit friends to help motivate me to get moving.
Thanks for visiting!
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New Pet Rat Babies
Nora, Dollie, & Suzy
Hello and Happy Sunday!
Just recently, I mentioned getting some pet rats for Scarlet. I wasn’t too sure about this at first, but I did a whole bunch of research on them. Apparently they are like low maintenance dogs. Very loyal and loving. I know, I know. They are still rats, and a lot of people just can’t get past that. Including my fiance. He helped build the cage and fix the water bottle, while he reminded me they are rodents that people pay to get rid of. Oh, the things he puts up with.
I wasn’t happy with my calls to the pet stores. Then I found out ratteries existed. I looked into this and found one nearby. We watched their adoption video to pick out our favorite ones. Scarlet named hers right away, Nora and Dollie. We had to wait a week for them to socialize some more and go through temperament tests. Unfortunately, one failed and Scarlet had to pic another one.
Friday finally came and my car still wasn’t driving properly. But, I was determined to pick up up our new rat babies. It needed a good test drive anyway. So off we went, driving about 20 mph or so for a good portion of the ride. At some point, my car actually felt like it was starting to go faster. A lot faster. It’s so very weird. Maybe it just needed that extended drive?
When we arrived, we immediately fell in love with the rats we chose. They are 6 and 8 weeks old, and have really great temperaments. We have been bonding with them over the last few days. We also introduced Bashy to them a few times, and they all did great. I finally named mine Suzy. It took me until today to decide, but it seems to fit her best.
Scarlet has been doing really well with the rats. No problems with her allergies or asthma. Her vocal and physical tics have actually decreased a little bit. She said she feels more calm around them. I’m hoping they will help her with school too. She has been slightly on edge since school has started back up. She gets extremely overwhelmed, her tics massively increase, and she eventually shuts down. I do everything I can to prevent it from getting to that point, but it can be difficult. We shall see this week.
Thanks for visiting and taking the time to read my rat story.
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Happy Saturday
Hello and happy Saturday!
I meant to write more, but things have been extremely busy here. We are still trying to figure out what’s wrong with my car (since June). It may be resolved, but I have to do a longer test drive. We are also dealing with the aftermath of some severe flooding we had in our basement. Nearly everything was destroyed. Then we have preparation for school to start on Monday. My daughter will be in a new program through her online school. I’m slightly nervous. She’s much more excited for tomorrow. We will be watching a live stream of baby rats that she wants to adopt. In addition to all this and more, I’ve done some research and have been testing out some new sites to make extra money.
Thanks for visiting! Stay tuned to find out what sites I will be adding.
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Photo Feedback
This morning, I was filled with the obsession to find a new site to post my pictures. Somewhere that others can give unbiased feedback. The only thing I really came across was 500px. I forgot that I already signed up several years ago, but never used it. I’m locked out, so I created a new account: LadySkullshine1.
Normally I will share some pictures and random memes on Instagram and sometimes Facebook. On rare occasions I will post personal pics that I’m really proud of, moments I’ve captured, things I just want to share with others. I appreciate everyone’s likes and comments, more than they will ever know. I just wish I knew what they truly thought. I enjoy learning how to do things better and progressing. I’m not fully convinced 500px is what I was looking for, but it’s a start.
In the meantime, here are a few of my favorite flower pictures that I recently took. Some are from my porch, my birthday, and flowers I got my daughter. Check them out and let me know what you think. You can also follow me on Instagram.
Thank you for visiting my site and reading my blog!
– Jessie
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Instagram: LadySkullshine
Hello everyone! This is just quick message.
If you’re interested in seeing my random Instagram posts, you can follow me at: LadySkullshine.
Thank you!
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What’s In A Name? Anxiety
I posted earlier today about changes I just made to my site. I mentioned my OCD being a factor. I actually wrote more about it, along with other issues, but I decided to separate the posts.
I would post a lot more, but my anxiety takes control and throws me for a loop. Every single time.
One of the issues that I face constantly is really silly. I have a lot of trouble just naming a post. I do it at the very end and it will literally delay things from being published. I really want something that will capture what I am saying, and will grab someone’s attention.
It’s not just the act of naming the post, it’s what transpires from there.
As I try to find the right words, my anxiety takes over. None of the words seem to fit properly. Then, I wonder if anyone even reads the title and what I have to say, or really cares to begin with. I begin to second guess myself altogether. By then, I’ve already read my post repeatedly. I constantly check for errors, better words, rearrange, and delete things. But, I do it again. Except this time, I determine if it’s even worth posting.
Sometimes, all of this just leads to another post in the drafts folder.
When I do finally hit the publish button, my anxiety and panic takes on a whole other level. I think about who will see it and what people will think of me. Will they judge me? I get embarrassed that I said something stupid, didn’t make sense, or made mistakes.
I also think about the fact that I have followers from all different stages of my life. I am not at all who I was before, or before that. But did they even really know me when the knew me? Probably not. I wonder if I’m judged by a characteristic that I had at that time, but I’ve grown since then. Do they know that?
Does their past judgement affect their current views of what I have to say now, as a very different person.
I know all of this is in my head and a lot of it is trivial. I’m my biggest critic and constantly push myself. I want to do more, but then I feel like it doesn’t matter. I distance myself until I find my inspiration to return.
Sometimes it just helps to know that I’m really helping someone.
