Yesterday was Daughter’s Day. This is my Haley and Scarlet. I just want to say how proud I am to be their Mom, and soon I’ll be a Grammy too! I love my babies. They are my everything.
In case you haven’t noticed yet, I tend to move things around a lot. However, I do try to keep it organized as much as possible. When in doubt, always check with the Site Map. I do need to add quite a few pages to it, but it’s updated for the most part. If you haven’t been there yet, please check it out.
Oh and if you ever want to bookmark my site, please use the home page. That will get you back here, and prevent any possible broken links.
Also, don’t forget that feedback is always appreciated. Thank you!
I’ve been reading a lot about people having issues with this recently. So here’s my advice, as I literally just went through this.
*** If you have an IEP for your child, make sure the school is adhering to it. If not, call a meeting to address it right away. Make requests even if you think they’ll say no. They have to accommodate your child within reason. Always push for whatever your child needs to have the best learning experience possible. ***
I’ve had an IEP for Scarlet for several years. She is autistic with Tourettes, DMDD, ADHD, anxiety, and more. At her own enthusiastic and long thought out request, I switched her from five years of specialized online school to in person learning this year. However, the first day was entirely too overwhelming for her. As much as she wanted to do it, she only made it a few hours, and didn’t return for a week. In the meantime, I requested partial online, part in person learning with shorter days, plus a few other accommodations. They took the day to review it with the director since they don’t do this for anyone else. They approved all of it!!! As she gets more comfortable, or if it doesn’t work out, we can make further adjustments. She went back to school yesterday and loved it!
Okay, so I decided this year I will partake in this whole New Year’s Resolution thing.
I thought maybe it’s time that I stop holding back all of the time. I let my anxiety get the best of me constantly with everything. It controls how and what I say and do. It controls my mind, my body. My medications don’t seem to help. I can’t get into therapy for at least another three months, and that’s just to get on the list. So, you may be subjected to being my only outlet. I’m so sorry in advance.
So, you’ll start seeing a few more posts from me. I can’t promise anything. I may even vent, or just ramble nonsense. Hopefully, it’ll be interesting and you’ll continue to join in on the adventures. You’ll be noticing a bit more things here on the site. I started some of the changes, but I have a lot more to go. I’m a bit excited, but also nervous. I’m terrified of judgement. I don’t want to say the wrong things. I don’t want to offend or upset anyone. I don’t want to cause any problems. I’m paranoid and ridiculous. I’m only making things worse.
So, love me, hate me, or just think I’m the crazy lady with some new weird obsession that I’ve got to share…
Thanks for coming along with me on this never ending journey!
I spend every day trying my best to stay on track. It’s been more of a struggle for me lately. As usual, I always have a late start to getting my things done. Yesterday, I actually had the motivation to try to find a therapist or psychiatrist. Usually, I either put it off, forget about it, it’s too late to call, or I’m too overwhelmed to deal with it.
I was determined I’d have an appointment set up by the end of the day. I called the number on the back of my insurance card. The agent referred me to mental health services, who I then called. They nicely gave me a few numbers and directed me to their site. I was feeling pretty decent about things so far. There were a few minor setbacks, but I managed.
I had my list and started calling, but literally every number was incorrect. I started googling to find the right numbers. I was running out of time and panicked. I called my insurance back, and the agent suggested locations nowhere near me. She said she was trying to help me, but I was so frustrated to tears and full of anxiety. I told her she was not helpful, thanked her, and ended the call. I hate when I get like that. And now this lady thinks I’m a jerk. I felt so defeated. I made my way into my bedroom so I could quietly sob for a little while. It took me so long to finally do this, and I struggled through it with no appointment made by the end of the day. Again.
Today, I thought I was doing fairly well. Until just now. I just checked the time, and it’s 6:30PM. My daughter had classes, I had a phone appointment, I cleaned here and there, handled some pet craziness, and I’m not sure what else. Oh, I rewrote this post, because I started writing it yesterday and never finished it. What else didn’t I finish? Oh, I didn’t even think once about calling any of those therapist offices to schedule an appointment to help get my head straight. Seriously. Not one thought. Until now, when it’s too late to call anywhere.
I’ll try again tomorrow, and hope for the best.
The struggle really is real, and is a major pain in the buttocks. I nearly threw in the towel and accepted defeat, once again. I had all sorts of plans to share a whole lot of information, updates, financial tips, the freebies I receive, and so much more. I really do want to help everyone I can, without pestering them.
Except, I encounter a slew of roadblocks along the way of trying to do this. I admit that a lot of this is in my head, literally. I have OCD, ADHD, Anxiety, Depression, and on, and on. I’m in a never ending battle with my own self. My mind is constantly going in a ridiculous amount of directions at triple speeds, and I can barely catch up. It’s exhausting, mentally and physically. I also have a ton of stomach issues that are triggered by every little thing. Then add some memory loss, chronic pain, and myalgia to the mix.
Not to mention, of course, being Mom always takes precedence over everything. I have two daughters, our Emotional Support dog, and several fancy rats that keep me on my toes. My youngest daughter has Autism, Tourette’s, DMDD, among other things. I stay in close proximity to her at all times and am always on alert. So it’s sometimes hard to manage other things as well.
I’m not saying any of this as an excuse or for sympathy. A lot of times, in some ways, I actually feel awkward discussing it in general. Yet, I also do want people to know what I experience on a regular basis. I think it helps to know where people are coming from.
A lot of things seem to be a constant struggle for me. It doesn’t matter how tiny or ginormous the issue may be. Nothing really dictates my response to things. For example, a stack of dishes could fall and smash everywhere and I’ll say it’s totally okay, as long as no one was hurt. But God forbid a cup is out of place in the cabinet. I will wreak havoc and lose my mind.
This is just a general recap of most of my sharing experiences…
I find a deal (or even anything in general) that I want to share, and have to decide where to post it. I think how it should be from a central location that can be shared from, but sometimes jump to a different platform. I get hyper focused, putting more thought into it, dissecting it, rewriting again. I want to include as much information as possible, but not be too wordy. I get side tracked a few times, I rethink how to word things, I wonder if anyone will really look at it and if so, what will they think of it, or of even of me. I start to second guess myself, and then my life. I get side tracked again. When I click the app again on my phone, I end up swiping it away. It is either lost forever or saved in my drafts, where I might look at it much later in the future when I’m cleaning things up.
I know, it just sounds like I’m being ridiculous and I should get over it. Believe me, I’ve tried. I push myself all of the time. Sometimes, somehow the more I try, the worse it gets. I can easily become a huge train wreck in no time.
So, in an effort to share deals quickly and easily, without having a mental breakdown or worrying about spamming everyone, I think I may make a Telegram channel. I’m still working out other platforms, so who knows. I also thought about making a blog post for each deal, but I’m pretty sure that my email subscribers would hate me and they will quickly unsubscribe. That would make me extremely sad.
If I decide to use this new channel, my intention is to post often throughout the day. In most cases, that won’t happen. But if it does, it shouldn’t bother anyone too much since they specifically signed up to be inundated with all sorts of savings tips, deals, money makers, rebates, and more.
I suppose I’ll create it and see how I feel about it. Unless of course, no one uses it?
Please don’t let me fall down another rabbit hole…
Does anyone even use Telegram? What is your favorite app to get notifications? Do you have any suggestions for the best ways to share deals quick/often? Comment below with any tips you may have for me.
Just a reminder that you can follow me on Instagram. I share all sorts of silly memes and a few personal things here and there. I also have a few other Instagrams too. Check out my profile for additional links
2020 was crazy in so many ways. For me, it ended very well overall. I’m so extremely grateful.
I can barely tell you what I plan to accomplish today, let alone any serious resolutions for 2021. I just hope to continue on this path of who I am now in life. I’m far from perfect, but I’m happy, and feel like I’m in a very good place in general.
If anything, I’ll strive to better myself. Among so many things I need to battle, I may poke the anxiety bear a bit more. I need to also find more ways to focus properly, instead of letting my OCD and ADHD fight it out. I lose so much time, and my mind in the process.
Thank you to those that have put up with me along my life’s journey. Especially when I wasn’t at my best. I appreciate all of you. Mostly those that stuck through the many phases of Jessie. Even if you have been a jerk to me, I probably gained a lesson from you. So thank you as well.
Unfortunately, my laptop will not turn back on, as of this afternoon. I literally just bought it this year, second hand. It didn’t even make it to the end of 2020. It’s somehow fitting for the year we’ve had.
I’m so extremely upset about this. I can’t get any of my work done. I’ll do my best to still post, but I’m limited as to what I can really do on my phone.
Luckily, I recently started saving up my Amazon gift cards for one. I just didn’t expect it to be this soon. Or this tragic. I hope I can somehow get some files off of it yet. Have I mentioned how upset I am?
I just made my first post on Medium. Since I do want to write more and increase my audience, I thought I would give Medium a try.
If you currently use Medium, please follow me.
Thanks to everyone who has served!
I hope everyone had a wonderful day. Stay safe!
I had full intentions of making more financial posts, but as usual, I’m all over the place. To be fair, we have had a lot going on recently.
Monday our pet rat Nora gave birth to at least 12 babies. Then Thursday, our other rat Dollie gave birth to about 17 babies. We haven’t been able to properly count yet. It’s been a bit crazy. We will be adopting them out in about six weeks.
I also have been trying to get my car fixed. That has been an ongoing debacle of sorts for nearly this entire year. I think we are finally getting somewhere with that. I’m hoping anyways. I already had to give up on one car this year after dumping a bunch of money into it. It just had too much going on. Now I’m running into a lot of the same issues. At least, this time, I think we are heading in the right direction.
Earlier this week, I made an attempt to focus on other things. I even took a few days off from my normal work tasks. Except, the election has me glued to the all sorts of media. So, I haven’t accomplished anything in the end. Besides, adding some more anxiety that I didn’t need.
I did actually create a few site pages that you will be seeing shortly. I’m constantly moving things and fixing them, then adding more. Sorry about that. This time, I decided to bring back a photos page to display some of my favorites. There will be a lot of old pics, with a few new ones mixed in.
That’s all for now. I really need some ice cream!
I made a post on Facebook today. I rarely do that. It was due to the politically enraged posts I’ve been seeing. I have enough anxiety as it is over who will win the election. I just felt the need to express myself. I actually wrote what I wanted to say about a day or two ago, then never shared it. Luckily it was still in my drafts. Of course I read it again and reworded it. Several times. Panic set in. I hesitated multiple times.
Then finally posted this…
I’m sorry for the long post but I feel the need to say this. It’s regarding the recent flood of political posts.
I see my friends and family members arguing either on their own pages or even on public news ones. Or those that say to unfriend them for this or that. I read and continue scrolling, knowing how that person feels. I don’t delete or comment. I don’t normally discuss politics anyways, but it’s to the point that I’ve been worried to even hint who I voted for. I’m afraid I will be judged and will lose some people that I truly consider friends.
That’s sad. It’s sad I’m worried about that, but it’s also sad that some of you would actually delete me just for that reason. I just know how strongly some of you feel and how savage you’ve been. I also know the friendships I’ve had with some of you that I’d hate to lose.
Honestly, I don’t unfriend for different views or ways of life. I do not judge anyone based on age, race, diet preference, religion, gender, music choice, sexual preference, profession, friend affiliation, political party, or what color narwhal you choose to be for the day.
I care that you are a decent human being. That’s it. That’s all. Be good to yourself and others.
Sorry again for the long post. Thanks for reading!
After I posted it, I couldn’t breathe. I closed my phone and made dinner. When I checked my notifications, I saw that a few others have agreed. I felt better. I understand having strong views and wanting to be heard, but things are so very out of control. People are only dividing themselves, creating hate and destruction on so many levels.
I’m sure I’ll be judged for wanting things to be all unicorns and sparkles, but then everyone already knows that about me LOL.
Thanks for visiting.
I really should be sleeping. I know. I always should be doing something I’m not. Especially when it comes to sleeping. The regular world is sleeping. My household is sleeping. At least, I believe my children are asleep. I will be checking on them shortly before I do eventually go to sleep.
I do this every night. Every single night. I don’t mean to. My mind just doesnt stop. I can’t shut it off. Ever. Until it finally shuts down for a few hours to nap. I get up repeatedly. I finally nap for a few more hours.
Then when I finally wake up, I feel like I have to gradually attempt to function in general. On rare occasions, I sprint out of bed, ready to go. Regardless, once I do get myself together, I try to focus. But it doesn’t matter what I do. How I start off. What my mindset is. How determined I am. I always end up with my mind racing in all sorts of directions. I’m constantly doing multiple things at once. I can never seem to catch up.
By the end of the night, I’m freaking out. I’m angry with myself. I’ve accomplished nothing! I’ve accomplished a lot, actually. But nothing that should have been done. It’s very upsetting. I get side tracked. I forget what I was doing and go off to do something else. At some point I will actually wander back to that area and see the mess, then realize I was in the middle of something. Then I work on that for a bit until the next distraction. I’m constantly bouncing around from task to task.
I’ve tried so many things to help me get back on track. I feel bad because my fiance gets upset with me when he thinks I’m doing this on purpose. I try to explain to him that no, I just don’t get things done in general. I mean, it gets done. Just not always right away, not in the correct order, and not at the correct times. So basically, if it dawns on me at 10:30 PM that I wanted to vacuum, then I’ll quick get it done. That’s just a minor example. I do get out of control at times.
I’m pretty sure I would drive anyone crazy. My family knows all this and they love me bunches LOL. They must or they wouldn’t put up with me. Speaking of, I must check on my babies. Then, I need to somehow manage to get some sleep, so I can try to conquer another day. Hopefully I don’t fall into that dreaded trap once again.
My head is already swimming in all the things that need to get done. I just can’t ever make it stop. If it wouldn’t disrupt my household or my complete sleeping schedule, I would get up and do multiple things right now. I really wish I could, but I also do need to be up early. I must place my grocery order. Then I shall see one of my super awesome friends. Let’s hope I don’t jump out of bed minutes before she arrives.
I really should be sleeping already.
Thanks for reading my 1:30 AM ramblings. Good night.
This morning, I had an appointment with my doctor. I’m so happy these have been virtual. I had to go over my mental health treatment plan. The place where I get my head medications and therapy does this every so often. It’s basically to review my progress from where I was last time compared to how I feel now. I’m actually in a lot better of a place than I was before. I knew I was, but not to this extent. It definitely made me feel a lot better.
As per usual, my anxiety and panic attacks are constantly through the roof. I haven’t been on edge quite as much though. Next, you have the out of control OCD and ADHD tendencies. Oh, and my cringing PTSD symptoms are the same. However, I do feel like my depression, anger, and impulses have gotten a lot better. Yeah I’m still a major mess. (My therapist won’t let me say “train wreck” anymore.)
One of my issues that really irritates me is this constant vicous cycle that I keep falling into. To start, and I hate saying it, but I have a really hard time waking up. It’s like my brain is just still numb from the previous day’s craziness. I used to open my eyes and just stare in space, then periodically fall back to sleep. I’ve gotten a lot better with that. I’m up earlier and just get up and start doing things. You know, like a normal person would do.
My mind is constantly racing nonstop. I’m always doing several different projects at once. I get super focused for a while. I also get side tracked really easily. And very often. A lot of the time, I have a hard time prioritizing. I know what’s most important and what should be done first. I also make lists to help me organize. I just feel like everything has to be done right now. Then I get overwhelmed and can’t sort things out or even think straight.
As the day goes on, I’m scrambling to get it all finished. It quickly becomes evening, and I get really upset with myself. I barely did anything on my list, if I even looked at it at all. Over time, I’ve even used several different formats of lists in an attempt to see what will help me the most. I’m still working on that. Bedtime comes and my mind will never shut down.
I feel guilty for sleeping because I still have so many things to do. I feel like I’ve let others down. I want to get up and keep going. I want to write things down that cross my mind. I want to do some brainstorming. I want to hop on the computer and do some tasks or surveys for extra money. Then I worry that I might wake someone up. Or I might sleep in even longer if I stay up too late. I already have a really hard time sleeping. At some point, I finally pass out. I wake up multiple times throughout the night.
Then I struggle to wake up, and do it all again.
It’s a constant struggle, but I am working on it. I’m sorry to anyone this has affected. I really don’t mean for it to happen. It gives me even more anxiety just thinking about it.
Yet, I keep getting stuck in this vicious cycle.
I need to write more, but I always run into some sort of issue.
My mind wanders. I get side tracked. I feel like I have a million things to do. I wonder what I should even write about. There’s a thousand stories in my head, but does anyone want to hear them? My anxiety gets the best of me. Is my grammar proper? Are the colors acceptable? I start to write, sometimes even write all of it, then I decide it’s nonsense. I read my words over and over until they mean nothing anymore. Then I place it in the drafts folder. Forever. I want feedback, but I’m afraid to be judged. I want to be better, but worry it will never be enough. The list goes on and on, but most of it is in my head. I know this.
So, I think I will start this new thing. I’ll just start sharing stories, memories, rants and raves, favorite pics, quick snippets, long winded posts, whatever, and so on. Or at least, I will attempt this and see how long it lasts. Please stop me at any point if I’m getting out of control in some way. Kick me when I’m slacking, or nudge me when I’m hiding in the corner afraid to say anything. I really do want to know if what I’m doing here matters to others.
I’m always so worried about what everyone thinks, what they want to read about, and what they want to see here. I constantly ask for feedback from friends, family, fans, and even complete strangers. A few broken links were pointed out, but that’s about it. Honestly, I have only heard and read positive things about my site and what I post on social media. I’m beyond happy about that. There’s times that I get concerned when I don’t get any feedback, but then I remind myself that I also didn’t hear anything bad.
Hopefully everyone wasn’t just being nice to me and are now laughing at me behind my back. I worry about silly things like that. I also worry about what personal information I have shared here and what people think of me. I’m a nobody, but I have experienced a lot of things. I feel like I’ve been down the rabbit hole a few times throughout my life. I’ve changed so many times in so many ways, literally going in completely different directions. I’m so far from where I once was.
“I can’t go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.” – Lewis Carroll, Alice In Wonderland
Now and always, my main focus is family of course. Part of that is making sure I can do all I can for them. This includes financially, but I’ve had some massive struggles in this department. It kills me because I’ve worked since I was 13 years old. I’ve also managed my own money since then. I’ve made a ton of mistakes, and should be way better off now that I’m 45.
I started to really look into anything I could do to save some money. That quickly turned into what can I do to make a few extra bucks. I’ve done a ton of research and testing in the process. I know how frustrating it is to go through all of that. So, I wanted to share and help others to do the same. After a while, I figured I could repurpose my site and share on my social media. I hate to spam anyone. I feel like most people don’t want to be bothered with this type of information. But then there’s those out there that I know could really use it. I hope I’m able to help in some way.
Also I want to mention that if you are going to try something out, please do use my referral links and codes. In most cases, I will receive an incentive. Sometimes you will also get something. I am torn about posting referral bonus information on my site. I’d like to but I also don’t want to cite incorrect information when it changes. So regardless of anything I ever mention here, please always verify all information with the company in question. I have no affiliation other than referring them.
It goes without saying that you should remember that everyone’s experience will vary accordingly. For example, I can do a whole lot better with surveys. I don’t apply myself as much as I should. But, I’ve looked into a lot of the survey companies out there. So I have a good idea of who pays what and the level of involvement. Someone else can then build on that.
That’s all. Sorry for the long winded post. I guess the moral to my story is that I will be sharing a bunch more randomly and I hope some of it helps someone out there.
Oh and by the way, I really do want to change the name from LadySkullshine eventually. I’m just having a hard time coming up with a new one. Sparkling Savings, The Savings Lady… Yeah, that’s all I got so far LOL. Any thoughts?
I’ve never heard of a Fuggler until just recently. They are quite interesting ‘Funny Ugly Monsters’.
Scarlet saw something at Five Below with one of these creatures on it. She thought it was the stuffed animal. To be honest, neither of us really checked it. Scarlet was just so happy. Until we got home. She ripped it open & found puzzle pieces inside. She was so upset and I felt really bad about it. So, I told her to pick out her favorite one on Amazon.
This is the one she chose. She absolutely loves this little guy.
This weekend was super awesome. Friday, Scarlet and I picked up her sister Haley. She ended up staying the weekend. We had a ton of fun. It was great to have her home with us. It was the happiest I’ve been for a very long while. We were sad to drop her off Sunday, but I’m very grateful that we got to spend the time with her.
On the way home, Scarlet and I stopped at Enchanted Meadows. It’s a local Metaphysical shop that we have been wanting to go in for a long time. They had a lot of really cool items. We chatted with the owner for a while, and learned a few things.
Scarlet got a feather dip pen and some all purpose ink. Then we looked though all the crystals to see what their properties were. She chose the yellow jasper, to help her with procrastination, intellect, and friendship. She also got a few other recommended stones. The owner was super nice and gave her an extra one for free. I got a kyanite to help with chakras and to remember my dreams, and a angelite for communication with the angels.
I wasn’t allowed to touch Scarlet’s because she already cleaned them lol, so they are shown here in her satchel bag.
Overall, it was the best weekend we’ve had in a while.
Of course, I had the usual daily chores and then some today. It’s normally a bit crazy here. I took Scarlet shopping for some clothes and whatnot. Her sister Haley is visiting from Canada, so she needed some fancy clothes. This morning, we had a slight emergency with one of our pet rats, Dollie. Her one eye wouldn’t open. She’s much better now.
Once things calmed down a bit, I ventured online to get a few things done. I visited Wattpad for a bit. I recently created an account, but I’m not really familiar with this platform yet. I wasn’t sure if I would actually write there, read other’s stories, or just share some links. I do kind of like the book format, so I started to write a guide. I didn’t get very far, but you’re welcome to check it out.
At some point in there, I learned all about Narwhals. We had the Paranormal show on in the background. There was a unicorn sighting, which prompted a debate over their existence. This then led to the unicorns of the sea, Narwhals. I felt the need to read up on them a bit after this. When Scarlet is done playing Roblox with her friends, I will share my newfound knowledge. She will greatly appreciate that.
Thanks for taking a moment to read this. Have a great day!