I really should be sleeping. I know. I always should be doing something I’m not. Especially when it comes to sleeping. The regular world is sleeping. My household is sleeping. At least, I believe my children are asleep. I will be checking on them shortly before I do eventually go to sleep.
I do this every night. Every single night. I don’t mean to. My mind just doesnt stop. I can’t shut it off. Ever. Until it finally shuts down for a few hours to nap. I get up repeatedly. I finally nap for a few more hours.
Then when I finally wake up, I feel like I have to gradually attempt to function in general. On rare occasions, I sprint out of bed, ready to go. Regardless, once I do get myself together, I try to focus. But it doesn’t matter what I do. How I start off. What my mindset is. How determined I am. I always end up with my mind racing in all sorts of directions. I’m constantly doing multiple things at once. I can never seem to catch up.
By the end of the night, I’m freaking out. I’m angry with myself. I’ve accomplished nothing! I’ve accomplished a lot, actually. But nothing that should have been done. It’s very upsetting. I get side tracked. I forget what I was doing and go off to do something else. At some point I will actually wander back to that area and see the mess, then realize I was in the middle of something. Then I work on that for a bit until the next distraction. I’m constantly bouncing around from task to task.
I’ve tried so many things to help me get back on track. I feel bad because my fiance gets upset with me when he thinks I’m doing this on purpose. I try to explain to him that no, I just don’t get things done in general. I mean, it gets done. Just not always right away, not in the correct order, and not at the correct times. So basically, if it dawns on me at 10:30 PM that I wanted to vacuum, then I’ll quick get it done. That’s just a minor example. I do get out of control at times.
I’m pretty sure I would drive anyone crazy. My family knows all this and they love me bunches LOL. They must or they wouldn’t put up with me. Speaking of, I must check on my babies. Then, I need to somehow manage to get some sleep, so I can try to conquer another day. Hopefully I don’t fall into that dreaded trap once again.
My head is already swimming in all the things that need to get done. I just can’t ever make it stop. If it wouldn’t disrupt my household or my complete sleeping schedule, I would get up and do multiple things right now. I really wish I could, but I also do need to be up early. I must place my grocery order. Then I shall see one of my super awesome friends. Let’s hope I don’t jump out of bed minutes before she arrives.
I really should be sleeping already.
Thanks for reading my 1:30 AM ramblings. Good night.