Okay, so I decided this year I will partake in this whole New Year’s Resolution thing.
I thought maybe it’s time that I stop holding back all of the time. I let my anxiety get the best of me constantly with everything. It controls how and what I say and do. It controls my mind, my body. My medications don’t seem to help. I can’t get into therapy for at least another three months, and that’s just to get on the list. So, you may be subjected to being my only outlet. I’m so sorry in advance.
So, you’ll start seeing a few more posts from me. I can’t promise anything. I may even vent, or just ramble nonsense. Hopefully, it’ll be interesting and you’ll continue to join in on the adventures. You’ll be noticing a bit more things here on the site. I started some of the changes, but I have a lot more to go. I’m a bit excited, but also nervous. I’m terrified of judgement. I don’t want to say the wrong things. I don’t want to offend or upset anyone. I don’t want to cause any problems. I’m paranoid and ridiculous. I’m only making things worse.
So, love me, hate me, or just think I’m the crazy lady with some new weird obsession that I’ve got to share…
Thanks for coming along with me on this never ending journey!
I spend every day trying my best to stay on track. It’s been more of a struggle for me lately. As usual, I always have a late start to getting my things done. Yesterday, I actually had the motivation to try to find a therapist or psychiatrist. Usually, I either put it off, forget about it, it’s too late to call, or I’m too overwhelmed to deal with it.
I was determined I’d have an appointment set up by the end of the day. I called the number on the back of my insurance card. The agent referred me to mental health services, who I then called. They nicely gave me a few numbers and directed me to their site. I was feeling pretty decent about things so far. There were a few minor setbacks, but I managed.
I had my list and started calling, but literally every number was incorrect. I started googling to find the right numbers. I was running out of time and panicked. I called my insurance back, and the agent suggested locations nowhere near me. She said she was trying to help me, but I was so frustrated to tears and full of anxiety. I told her she was not helpful, thanked her, and ended the call. I hate when I get like that. And now this lady thinks I’m a jerk. I felt so defeated. I made my way into my bedroom so I could quietly sob for a little while. It took me so long to finally do this, and I struggled through it with no appointment made by the end of the day. Again.
Today, I thought I was doing fairly well. Until just now. I just checked the time, and it’s 6:30PM. My daughter had classes, I had a phone appointment, I cleaned here and there, handled some pet craziness, and I’m not sure what else. Oh, I rewrote this post, because I started writing it yesterday and never finished it. What else didn’t I finish? Oh, I didn’t even think once about calling any of those therapist offices to schedule an appointment to help get my head straight. Seriously. Not one thought. Until now, when it’s too late to call anywhere.
I’ll try again tomorrow, and hope for the best.