Tag Archives: judgement

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The Struggle Is Real

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The struggle really is real, and is a major pain in the buttocks. I nearly threw in the towel and accepted defeat, once again. I had all sorts of plans to share a whole lot of information, updates, financial tips, the freebies I receive, and so much more. I really do want to help everyone I can, without pestering them.

Except, I encounter a slew of roadblocks along the way of trying to do this. I admit that a lot of this is in my head, literally. I have OCD, ADHD, Anxiety, Depression, and on, and on. I’m in a never ending battle with my own self. My mind is constantly going in a ridiculous amount of directions at triple speeds, and I can barely catch up. It’s exhausting, mentally and physically. I also have a ton of stomach issues that are triggered by every little thing. Then add some memory loss, chronic pain, and myalgia to the mix.

Not to mention, of course, being Mom always takes precedence over everything. I have two daughters, our Emotional Support dog, and several fancy rats that keep me on my toes. My youngest daughter has Autism, Tourette’s, DMDD, among other things. I stay in close proximity to her at all times and am always on alert. So it’s sometimes hard to manage other things as well.

I’m not saying any of this as an excuse or for sympathy. A lot of times, in some ways, I actually feel awkward discussing it in general. Yet, I also do want people to know what I experience on a regular basis. I think it helps to know where people are coming from.

A lot of things seem to be a constant struggle for me. It doesn’t matter how tiny or ginormous the issue may be. Nothing really dictates my response to things. For example, a stack of dishes could fall and smash everywhere and I’ll say it’s totally okay, as long as no one was hurt. But God forbid a cup is out of place in the cabinet. I will wreak havoc and lose my mind.

This is just a general recap of most of my sharing experiences…

I find a deal (or even anything in general) that I want to share, and have to decide where to post it. I think how it should be from a central location that can be shared from, but sometimes jump to a different platform. I get hyper focused, putting more thought into it, dissecting it, rewriting again. I want to include as much information as possible, but not be too wordy. I get side tracked a few times, I rethink how to word things, I wonder if anyone will really look at it and if so, what will they think of it, or of even of me. I start to second guess myself, and then my life. I get side tracked again. When I click the app again on my phone, I end up swiping it away. It is either lost forever or saved in my drafts, where I might look at it much later in the future when I’m cleaning things up.

I know, it just sounds like I’m being ridiculous and I should get over it. Believe me, I’ve tried. I push myself all of the time. Sometimes, somehow the more I try, the worse it gets. I can easily become a huge train wreck in no time.

So, in an effort to share deals quickly and easily, without having a mental breakdown or worrying about spamming everyone, I think I may make a Telegram channel. I’m still working out other platforms, so who knows. I also thought about making a blog post for each deal, but I’m pretty sure that my email subscribers would hate me and they will quickly unsubscribe. That would make me extremely sad.

If I decide to use this new channel, my intention is to post often throughout the day. In most cases, that won’t happen. But if it does, it shouldn’t bother anyone too much since they specifically signed up to be inundated with all sorts of savings tips, deals, money makers, rebates, and more.

I suppose I’ll create it and see how I feel about it. Unless of course, no one uses it?

Please don’t let me fall down another rabbit hole…

Does anyone even use Telegram? What is your favorite app to get notifications? Do you have any suggestions for the best ways to share deals quick/often? Comment below with any tips you may have for me.

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All, Random

Political Judgement Anxiety

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I made a post on Facebook today. I rarely do that. It was due to the politically enraged posts I’ve been seeing. I have enough anxiety as it is over who will win the election. I just felt the need to express myself. I actually wrote what I wanted to say about a day or two ago, then never shared it. Luckily it was still in my drafts. Of course I read it again and reworded it. Several times. Panic set in. I hesitated multiple times.

Then finally posted this…

I’m sorry for the long post but I feel the need to say this. It’s regarding the recent flood of political posts.

I see my friends and family members arguing either on their own pages or even on public news ones. Or those that say to unfriend them for this or that. I read and continue scrolling, knowing how that person feels. I don’t delete or comment. I don’t normally discuss politics anyways, but it’s to the point that I’ve been worried to even hint who I voted for. I’m afraid I will be judged and will lose some people that I truly consider friends.

That’s sad. It’s sad I’m worried about that, but it’s also sad that some of you would actually delete me just for that reason. I just know how strongly some of you feel and how savage you’ve been. I also know the friendships I’ve had with some of you that I’d hate to lose.

Honestly, I don’t unfriend for different views or ways of life. I do not judge anyone based on age, race, diet preference, religion, gender, music choice, sexual preference, profession, friend affiliation, political party, or what color narwhal you choose to be for the day.

I care that you are a decent human being. That’s it. That’s all. Be good to yourself and others.

Sorry again for the long post. Thanks for reading! 💖🇺🇲🤗✌

After I posted it, I couldn’t breathe. I closed my phone and made dinner. When I checked my notifications, I saw that a few others have agreed. I felt better. I understand having strong views and wanting to be heard, but things are so very out of control. People are only dividing themselves, creating hate and destruction on so many levels.

I’m sure I’ll be judged for wanting things to be all unicorns and sparkles, but then everyone already knows that about me LOL.

Thanks for visiting.

All, Random

What’s In A Name? Anxiety

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I posted earlier today about changes I just made to my site. I mentioned my OCD being a factor. I actually wrote more about it, along with other issues, but I decided to separate the posts.

I would post a lot more, but my anxiety takes control and throws me for a loop. Every single time.

One of the issues that I face constantly is really silly. I have a lot of trouble just naming a post. I do it at the very end and it will literally delay things from being published. I really want something that will capture what I am saying, and will grab someone’s attention.

It’s not just the act of naming the post, it’s what transpires from there.

As I try to find the right words, my anxiety takes over. None of the words seem to fit properly. Then, I wonder if anyone even reads the title and what I have to say, or really cares to begin with. I begin to second guess myself altogether. By then, I’ve already read my post repeatedly. I constantly check for errors, better words, rearrange, and delete things. But, I do it again. Except this time, I determine if it’s even worth posting.

Sometimes, all of this just leads to another post in the drafts folder.

When I do finally hit the publish button, my anxiety and panic takes on a whole other level. I think about who will see it and what people will think of me. Will they judge me? I get embarrassed that I said something stupid, didn’t make sense, or made mistakes.

I also think about the fact that I have followers from all different stages of my life. I am not at all who I was before, or before that. But did they even really know me when the knew me? Probably not. I wonder if I’m judged by a characteristic that I had at that time, but I’ve grown since then. Do they know that?

Does their past judgement affect their current views of what I have to say now, as a very different person.

I know all of this is in my head and a lot of it is trivial. I’m my biggest critic and constantly push myself. I want to do more, but then I feel like it doesn’t matter. I distance myself until I find my inspiration to return.

Sometimes it just helps to know that I’m really helping someone.