Tag Archives: depression

All, Awareness, Financial, Random, Updates

The Struggle Is Real

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The struggle really is real, and is a major pain in the buttocks. I nearly threw in the towel and accepted defeat, once again. I had all sorts of plans to share a whole lot of information, updates, financial tips, the freebies I receive, and so much more. I really do want to help everyone I can, without pestering them.

Except, I encounter a slew of roadblocks along the way of trying to do this. I admit that a lot of this is in my head, literally. I have OCD, ADHD, Anxiety, Depression, and on, and on. I’m in a never ending battle with my own self. My mind is constantly going in a ridiculous amount of directions at triple speeds, and I can barely catch up. It’s exhausting, mentally and physically. I also have a ton of stomach issues that are triggered by every little thing. Then add some memory loss, chronic pain, and myalgia to the mix.

Not to mention, of course, being Mom always takes precedence over everything. I have two daughters, our Emotional Support dog, and several fancy rats that keep me on my toes. My youngest daughter has Autism, Tourette’s, DMDD, among other things. I stay in close proximity to her at all times and am always on alert. So it’s sometimes hard to manage other things as well.

I’m not saying any of this as an excuse or for sympathy. A lot of times, in some ways, I actually feel awkward discussing it in general. Yet, I also do want people to know what I experience on a regular basis. I think it helps to know where people are coming from.

A lot of things seem to be a constant struggle for me. It doesn’t matter how tiny or ginormous the issue may be. Nothing really dictates my response to things. For example, a stack of dishes could fall and smash everywhere and I’ll say it’s totally okay, as long as no one was hurt. But God forbid a cup is out of place in the cabinet. I will wreak havoc and lose my mind.

This is just a general recap of most of my sharing experiences…

I find a deal (or even anything in general) that I want to share, and have to decide where to post it. I think how it should be from a central location that can be shared from, but sometimes jump to a different platform. I get hyper focused, putting more thought into it, dissecting it, rewriting again. I want to include as much information as possible, but not be too wordy. I get side tracked a few times, I rethink how to word things, I wonder if anyone will really look at it and if so, what will they think of it, or of even of me. I start to second guess myself, and then my life. I get side tracked again. When I click the app again on my phone, I end up swiping it away. It is either lost forever or saved in my drafts, where I might look at it much later in the future when I’m cleaning things up.

I know, it just sounds like I’m being ridiculous and I should get over it. Believe me, I’ve tried. I push myself all of the time. Sometimes, somehow the more I try, the worse it gets. I can easily become a huge train wreck in no time.

So, in an effort to share deals quickly and easily, without having a mental breakdown or worrying about spamming everyone, I think I may make a Telegram channel. I’m still working out other platforms, so who knows. I also thought about making a blog post for each deal, but I’m pretty sure that my email subscribers would hate me and they will quickly unsubscribe. That would make me extremely sad.

If I decide to use this new channel, my intention is to post often throughout the day. In most cases, that won’t happen. But if it does, it shouldn’t bother anyone too much since they specifically signed up to be inundated with all sorts of savings tips, deals, money makers, rebates, and more.

I suppose I’ll create it and see how I feel about it. Unless of course, no one uses it?

Please don’t let me fall down another rabbit hole…

Does anyone even use Telegram? What is your favorite app to get notifications? Do you have any suggestions for the best ways to share deals quick/often? Comment below with any tips you may have for me.

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All, Awareness

My Scarlet. Always Sharing, Helping

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Very few know this, but my youngest daughter suffers from a few disabilities. I belong to several Facebook groups relating to Autism, Tourette’s, Children with Disabilities, and so on. I like to read through the posts and think about how it relates or not. On a very slim occasion, I will comment with some of our own experiences. I say slim because I rarely post or comment on anything to begin with, let alone a stranger’s post in a public group. Not to mention, while they may be reaching out, they may not care what I have to say.

I keep to myself about a lot of things, especially with how the world is today. But I really wouldn’t mind sharing our experiences or any suggestions, if it will help anyone else. My daughter also feels the same way. We’ve talked about it often and she loves to help others. With that said, I’ll give you a little bit of her background.

My daughter Scarlet is 13 years old. She had a seizure right before her first birthday. She’s had asthma and allergies for most of her life, along with severe eye problems and trouble walking. Several years ago, she was diagnosed with Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder. They later said she had Autism and referred us to a Neurologist, who then confirmed her diagnosis for Tourette’s. She has since been diagnosed with Depression and ADHD.

Scarlet has been through a lot of medications, doctors, therapists, coping skills, emotions, and broken items. It’s been a long and windy road. There is still the occasional meltdown along with bouts of severe tics, but we manage it a lot better. Some of those meltdowns have been my own, wishing I could do better and do more to help her.

That’s just a few tidbits. Since I know Scar is comfortable with it, I think I might share a bit more about our experiences here. Maybe some coping skills we have learned, adventures we end up on, symptoms, silly moments, and so on. I might add some of her art as well. She loves to paint. It helps her a lot. She has a lot of great qualities and is full of so much love. She is my Sunshine.

All, Random

Invisible? Anxiety Driven Rant

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Sometimes I feel completely invisible. Not heard or seen. I’m not referring to anyone or thing in particular causing it. It’s just a sad feeling in general that comes over me at times. Then I battle through all the emotions that come with it.

Most times, my anxiety takes control and forces me to want to hide. While other times, I feel like I’m jumping up and down screaming look at me! look at me! (like Mr. Meseeks from Rick & Morty)

I hate it. It interferes with so many things. Like, how do I go from one moment of hiding from the world, then the very next moment I feel ignored and get upset. I just want to go one day with zero anxiety, panic attacks, depression, and all those wonderful mental battles. It would definitely help my other health issues as well. But no matter how much I work on my mindset and make it seem like I have it all under control on the outside, I’m a train wreck on the inside.