Category Archives: Random

All, Random

Lost Without My Fitbit

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Happy Saturday! I’ve been so swamped with my daughter’s schooling and some new online tasks that I recently found. I’ll be sharing this soon, as they have already paid me. Since I had this new income, and cashed out on a few apps, I decided it was time to make a decent purchase for myself. Of course, using the Amazon gift cards that I’ve earned.

My Fitbit Ionic stopped working properly almost two months ago. It wasn’t tracking things like it should and not showing the right time. I did everything I could to fix it, but eventually it stopped charging altogether. I researched new ones, and spent even longer trying to justify spending the money in my head.

I really missed my Fitbit. I never looked at the actual watch, but I’m a dork for the slew of information it captures and the stats. I feel lost without it. I also want to start using the other features like Spotify and FitPay. I finally broke down and purchased the Fitbit Charge 4.

It arrived today, and of course I immediately dropped it when I removed it from the box. It seems to be okay. I was able to set it up quickly and easily. My smart scale is connected, and I’m ready to try to lose some weight again. I was doing great until a few months back. It may be new medications or stress, but it needs to stop.

Add me to your Fitbit friends to help motivate me to get moving.

Thanks for visiting!

All, Random

New Pet Rat Babies

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Nora, Dollie, & Suzy

Hello and Happy Sunday!

Just recently, I mentioned getting some pet rats for Scarlet. I wasn’t too sure about this at first, but I did a whole bunch of research on them. Apparently they are like low maintenance dogs. Very loyal and loving. I know, I know. They are still rats, and a lot of people just can’t get past that. Including my fiance. He helped build the cage and fix the water bottle, while he reminded me they are rodents that people pay to get rid of. Oh, the things he puts up with.

I wasn’t happy with my calls to the pet stores. Then I found out ratteries existed. I looked into this and found one nearby. We watched their adoption video to pick out our favorite ones. Scarlet named hers right away, Nora and Dollie. We had to wait a week for them to socialize some more and go through temperament tests. Unfortunately, one failed and Scarlet had to pic another one.

Friday finally came and my car still wasn’t driving properly. But, I was determined to pick up up our new rat babies. It needed a good test drive anyway. So off we went, driving about 20 mph or so for a good portion of the ride. At some point, my car actually felt like it was starting to go faster. A lot faster. It’s so very weird. Maybe it just needed that extended drive?

When we arrived, we immediately fell in love with the rats we chose. They are 6 and 8 weeks old, and have really great temperaments. We have been bonding with them over the last few days. We also introduced Bashy to them a few times, and they all did great. I finally named mine Suzy. It took me until today to decide, but it seems to fit her best.

Scarlet has been doing really well with the rats. No problems with her allergies or asthma. Her vocal and physical tics have actually decreased a little bit. She said she feels more calm around them. I’m hoping they will help her with school too. She has been slightly on edge since school has started back up. She gets extremely overwhelmed, her tics massively increase, and she eventually shuts down. I do everything I can to prevent it from getting to that point, but it can be difficult. We shall see this week.

Thanks for visiting and taking the time to read my rat story.

All, Financial, Random, Updates

Happy Saturday

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Hello and happy Saturday!

I meant to write more, but things have been extremely busy here. We are still trying to figure out what’s wrong with my car (since June). It may be resolved, but I have to do a longer test drive. We are also dealing with the aftermath of some severe flooding we had in our basement. Nearly everything was destroyed. Then we have preparation for school to start on Monday. My daughter will be in a new program through her online school. I’m slightly nervous. She’s much more excited for tomorrow. We will be watching a live stream of baby rats that she wants to adopt. In addition to all this and more, I’ve done some research and have been testing out some new sites to make extra money.

Thanks for visiting! Stay tuned to find out what sites I will be adding.

All, Random

Photo Feedback

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This morning, I was filled with the obsession to find a new site to post my pictures. Somewhere that others can give unbiased feedback. The only thing I really came across was 500px. I forgot that I already signed up several years ago, but never used it. I’m locked out, so I created a new account: LadySkullshine1.

Normally I will share some pictures and random memes on Instagram and sometimes Facebook. On rare occasions I will post personal pics that I’m really proud of, moments I’ve captured, things I just want to share with others. I appreciate everyone’s likes and comments, more than they will ever know. I just wish I knew what they truly thought. I enjoy learning how to do things better and progressing. I’m not fully convinced 500px is what I was looking for, but it’s a start.

In the meantime, here are a few of my favorite flower pictures that I recently took. Some are from my porch, my birthday, and flowers I got my daughter. Check them out and let me know what you think. You can also follow me on Instagram.

Thank you for visiting my site and reading my blog!
– Jessie

All, Random

Instagram: LadySkullshine

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Hello everyone! This is just quick message.

If you’re interested in seeing my random Instagram posts, you can follow me at: LadySkullshine.

Thank you!

All, Random

What’s In A Name? Anxiety

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I posted earlier today about changes I just made to my site. I mentioned my OCD being a factor. I actually wrote more about it, along with other issues, but I decided to separate the posts.

I would post a lot more, but my anxiety takes control and throws me for a loop. Every single time.

One of the issues that I face constantly is really silly. I have a lot of trouble just naming a post. I do it at the very end and it will literally delay things from being published. I really want something that will capture what I am saying, and will grab someone’s attention.

It’s not just the act of naming the post, it’s what transpires from there.

As I try to find the right words, my anxiety takes over. None of the words seem to fit properly. Then, I wonder if anyone even reads the title and what I have to say, or really cares to begin with. I begin to second guess myself altogether. By then, I’ve already read my post repeatedly. I constantly check for errors, better words, rearrange, and delete things. But, I do it again. Except this time, I determine if it’s even worth posting.

Sometimes, all of this just leads to another post in the drafts folder.

When I do finally hit the publish button, my anxiety and panic takes on a whole other level. I think about who will see it and what people will think of me. Will they judge me? I get embarrassed that I said something stupid, didn’t make sense, or made mistakes.

I also think about the fact that I have followers from all different stages of my life. I am not at all who I was before, or before that. But did they even really know me when the knew me? Probably not. I wonder if I’m judged by a characteristic that I had at that time, but I’ve grown since then. Do they know that?

Does their past judgement affect their current views of what I have to say now, as a very different person.

I know all of this is in my head and a lot of it is trivial. I’m my biggest critic and constantly push myself. I want to do more, but then I feel like it doesn’t matter. I distance myself until I find my inspiration to return.

Sometimes it just helps to know that I’m really helping someone.

All, Random

Happy For Online School

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I am really glad that my girls convinced me to let them do online school so many years ago. Especially with how everything is right now. Honestly, I was already partially on board from the start. I just needed to make sure it was right for them. They are both extremely intelligent (like all moms say), but they really are brilliant.

I let my oldest Haley try it first and she excelled. It worked out perfect for her. Scarlet started shortly after Haley, because she is younger and has special needs. She was going through a lot in general, already having trouble in school, and also being bullied at the time. Scarlet was always the one to stand up for anyone being bullied and stood her ground. Now, no one stuck up for her, and even her best friend was nasty to her. She had been missing a lot of school. They put her on a 504 Program to help get her through the rest of the year. I then had her start online school through our district, but we moved and had to start again at another cyber school. Eventually, I found an one that anyone can attend, no matter where they live.

The new online school has been great working with us. She now has an Individualized Education Plan and gets one hour of school counselling every week via Zoom. Scarlet hates the camera, so they let her turn it off. Physical and online school has been a major struggle for her. She doesn’t understand something, then quickly gets overwhelmed, and her tics get a lot worse. Once that gets to a certain point, she shuts down and nothing gets done. I had to find ways to prevent that, but also make sure she is still submitting her work.

Scarlet is definitely doing a lot better now in Summer School. I monitor all of her assignments and make a new list for her daily. It shows how many assignments are in each subject and her current grade. I am learning the lessons with her so that I can teach her in other ways that she understands. We just have to get through another week this summer. She will then be in a new program where she will enter seventh grade in the fall, then graduate eighth grade in the spring. Some subjects are grouped together so it’s not as much work. For example, Science and Math are one lesson.

All of this sounds like a lot. I understand that online school is not for everyone, and not everyone is able to do it. It’s especially tough in case of special needs. There’s pros and cons either way. Honestly, when I compare it to sending her to a physical school, I’d take online any day. I just have to work harder to make sure Scarlet is managing things better. Who is better to do that than Mom?

All, Random

Invisible? Anxiety Driven Rant

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Sometimes I feel completely invisible. Not heard or seen. I’m not referring to anyone or thing in particular causing it. It’s just a sad feeling in general that comes over me at times. Then I battle through all the emotions that come with it.

Most times, my anxiety takes control and forces me to want to hide. While other times, I feel like I’m jumping up and down screaming look at me! look at me! (like Mr. Meseeks from Rick & Morty)

I hate it. It interferes with so many things. Like, how do I go from one moment of hiding from the world, then the very next moment I feel ignored and get upset. I just want to go one day with zero anxiety, panic attacks, depression, and all those wonderful mental battles. It would definitely help my other health issues as well. But no matter how much I work on my mindset and make it seem like I have it all under control on the outside, I’m a train wreck on the inside.

All, Random

Alexa Is Growing On Me

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A while back, I posted “Alexa. Was I Just Paranoid?”. I had explained that originally, I wasn’t on board with the Alexas, Siri, and all that. I love technology, but I just didn’t feel comfortable with it. I finally came to the realization that if I’m going to be paranoid, then I might as well get rid of all of our technology. I won’t do that. So, I managed to find a great deal and we bought two Echo dots. That was a few months ago.

The Echos have definitely been very handy. I ask Alexa to set timers for me every time I cook. My fiance often asks his Echo to tell him jokes. She’ll let us know when our Amazon packages are arriving and remind us to feed the puppy. We failed to set up the Roku, but I’ll try again when I can focus on it. We also use them as an intercom system in our home. Not to mention, all the googling she’s done for us.

Recently, I have been really interested in the smart bulbs. I just didn’t quite understand exactly how they worked. I did some research, then ordered a set which arrived today. I set them up, connected the Echo, and I love them. There are so many colors and you can cycle through them. The reading light setting is really bright. I’m so glad that I ordered these bulbs. I even got them free! I’m testing the bulbs and providing a report to the merchant.

I have no regrets buying the Echo Dots and now we have beautiful lighting in our home with ease of control. Have I said how much I love technology?

All, Random

Today Is My Birthday!

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Happy 45th birthday to me! 45?! And still sparkly!!

It really was an awesome day! It started with a birthday text from my Haley, chocolate chip cookies with Scarlet, flowers from my mom, randomly found notes and home made cards from my Scarlet and my fiance Sully.

I appreciate all the experiences throughout my life so far, good and bad. I’ve made a lot of mistakes and learned a lot. No matter where life takes me, my greatest achievement ever will always be my babygirls. I’m beyond proud and grateful, and would be lost without them!

All, Random

Always Rearranging

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I am always rearranging everything. Physical things around me, my site, social accounts, spreadsheets, and so on. (Even my life has changed so many times, but that’s a post for another day.) It doesn’t help that my ADHD and OCD constantly battle each other. Then add my memory loss, among other things. It’s out of control.

I rearrange drawers, cabinets, paperwork, nick nacks, and anything that isn’t bolted down. My family often gets mad at me for this. They can’t find the things that were there before. I always justify that it’s in such a better spot now. Then I sometimes forget where I moved them to.

I reorganize my spreadsheets before I complete the tasks that they were created for. I have a budget spreadsheet that has morphed so many times. I also have several test budget spreadsheets that never went much further than that. I often get so heavily involved in a sheet, then get sidetracked. A lot of times, I forget that I created them and what my intentions were.

I rearrange my site to better organize it so it flows and looks cleaner. I’m always trying it out this way or that way. Then a week later, I learn something and try to implement it. At some point later, I decide to change something else. Then I’m looking at different themes. During all of this, I think that no one will probably even notice the changes. I’m also not posting as much while this is happening because I get so overly involved with the layout. (By the way, I’m about to change the home page….I think.)

So with all that said, please forgive me for constantly moving things.
I’m really not trying to annoy anyone.

All, Random

My Day: Car & Sprinker Dilemmas

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We started off our day excited to get out for a bit, wash the new car, pick up some groceries, and whatnot. Then come home and run the sprinkler for my Scarlet and our puppy Bastian. Then reality set in.

Long story short, I recently sold my VW Convertible and purchased a Subaru wagon. We haven’t driven it much yet. Today we ventured out on our happy way, until we noticed that we couldn’t go over 20 mph. We pulled over and popped the hood to check things out. After a bit, we decided to get the car back home. So, none of our above mentioned things got done and now my car won’t work.

Once home, my daughter reminded me that we planned to set up the sprinkler. We don’t have a pool, the public one is closed, so it’s the next best thing. Or so I thought. Scarlet never played with a sprinkler before so she was excited to try it out. She got her bathing suit on and we got Bashy outside. I got the hose connected, and then the sprinkler. We started it up and yay! ….???

Bastian stretched out his chain as far as he could go to get away from the water. Scarlet jumped around a bit while trying to adjust the sprinkler to different spray settings. She said she was good and to turn it off. I disconnected the hose, it sprayed everywhere and got her in the eyes. I ran to shut it off and got everyone inside. Once everything calmed down, I asked if she at least had a little fun in the water. She said no, her and Bastian were terrified.

I guess we will be looking into small pool options. After, the car is brought back to life…hopefully.

All, Random

Cha ching cha cha ching cha ching

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The loud, annoying, embarrassing sounds coming from the Coinstar.
Even more amplified by my ridiculous anxiety.

When I start the Coinstar machine, it is very loud. I feel like everyone is looking at me. Then I begin dumping the clanky coins, which always seems to be never ending. I feel like I’m in my own world just watching the coins, pushing them around as they get stuck, refilling the tray, and so on. It’s almost like a trance. In the meantime, I’m having panic attacks. I get really warm and my face gets red. I feel like everyone knows I’m a mess.

It happens every time without fail. No matter how I approach it or what I tell myself. I’m not entirely sure which part of my mental issues causes it, but it’s not a fun experience. I hate it. I hate the anxiety that comes over me. I don’t care that every few grocery trips, I have to lug a heavy coffee canister full of change to the store. I’m not embarrassed to use the machine. I’m embarrassed that it affects me this way.

I appreciate that we have the change to begin with. Whenever my fiance is sorting and researching his boxes of coins, the less interesting ones go into the canister. It’s recycled money, but it makes me feel better to turn it into Amazon cash to be used on family and household items. Knowing that helps me to get through my silly bout of anxiety. I just wish I could control it better to begin with.

All, Random

Happy Mom’s Day!

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I had a pretty good day yesterday. My 13 year old Scarlet had already bought me pink and purple petunias with her own money the day before. I took her out with me to ride in the car and we happened to see a flower tent. She used her allowance and found a buy one get one deal. Saving money, just like her mom lol. Then on Mother’s Day, my 20 year old Haley texted me first thing in the morning to brighten my day. Later on, Scarlet played the song “Mom” by Meghan Trainor as she sang along.

I’m so very grateful for my babygirls. They are my everything.
Without them, I wouldn’t be Mama Bear.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QAtmRDvisbE

“Mom” By Meghan Trainor
Lyrics per AZLyrics

You might have a mom, she might be the bomb
But ain’t nobody got a mom like mine
Her love’s ’til the end, she’s my best friend
Ain’t nobody got a mom like mine

She my world, she’s my heart and there’s no denying
I’m her girl no matter what even when I’m lying
She loving me, loving me, loving me, loving me, love
She love me like nobody else
I’m telling you, telling you, telling you, telling you all
She taught me how to love myself

You might have a mom, she might be the bomb
But ain’t nobody got a mom like mine
Her love’s ’til the end, she’s my best friend
Ain’t nobody got a mom like mine

See we go way back, oh, I remember
All the times that I cried, she made me feel better
She loving me, loving me, loving me, loving me, love
She love me like nobody else
I’m telling you, telling you, telling you, telling you all
She taught me how to love myself

You might have a mom, she might be the bomb
But ain’t nobody got a mom like mine
Her love’s ’til the end, she’s my best friend
Ain’t nobody got a mom like mine
Oh, how she loves me to the moon and back
That’s what she told me
Her love never ends, she’s my best friend
Ain’t nobody got a mom like mine

I was just wanted to call you to tell you I love you
Aww, I love you, too
I miss you already
Aww, that’s so sweet, what’s going on?
Just writing songs, my mom song
Aww, I love you to the moon and back
My heart hurts, I love you so much
I love you more

You might have a mom, she might be the bomb
But ain’t nobody got a mom like mine
Her love’s ’til the end, she’s my best friend
Ain’t nobody got a mom like mine
You might have a mom, she might be the bomb
But ain’t nobody got a mom like mine
Her love’s ’til the end, she’s my best friend
Ain’t nobody got a mom like mine
Oh, how she loves me to the moon and back
That’s what she told me

Her love never ends, she’s my best friend
Ain’t nobody got a mom like mine
Ain’t nobody got a mom like mine
Baby, baby, ain’t nobody, no
Ain’t nobody got a mom like mine

All, Random

Save The Fairy Homes!

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Long, long ago…

I always told my girls when they were little “Don”t walk on the grass. You might step on a fairy. The mushrooms are their homes, so be especially careful.” We would smile, laugh, and look for mushrooms.

My ex father in law would then say “Step on all the mushrooms, kill all the fairies”. My girls would get all excited, run around, and smash the mushrooms. I would shout “Nooooo!!!!” and it would be too late. Except, when I said “no” it came out “Noah”. He would come back with “Noah? He built the ark!” LMAO!

Just the sight of a mushroom, brings back this rush of silly memories.

All, Random

Good Morning Sunshine

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Every day, is a new adventure.

I start off a lot of mornings singing “You Are My Sunshine” to my sleepy daughter. I don’t sing very well and I often mess up the words to every song. But my happy intentions are always there. I just watch my level of annoyance, especially when she’s just waking up.

Usually, she doesn’t get up right away. So I take out her puppy Bashy. I always search for the biggest, brightest dandelion to bring back to my babygirl. I return singing about the prettiest flower for the prettiest girl as she finally wakes up. This time, she thanks me and tells me that Bashy will enjoy munching on the dandelion later.

How do you like to start your day?

All, Random

Sparkles

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Another one of my nicknames is “Sparkles”. I love sparkles! Plus, I am generally a very happy, unicorns and rainbows kind of person. I do my best to stay positive no matter what.

Oh, I definitely have my moments of quite the opposite. Also, I recently went through quite a bit of devastation. So I did lose my sparkle for a bit. But overall, one of my mottos really is Smile, Sparkle, Shine!

I recall when I used to work in the office and at the lab, I was always the annoying happy girl with ADHD. I would be at work as early as 6 AM, chugging massive amounts of caffeine. I used to get a large iced latte with three extra turbo shots every single morning before work. That’s when I was called “Turbo Sparkles”. I stayed happy and bouncy all day. The more annoyed my coworkers were, the more I wanted to share my happiness. This was not quite appreciated by everyone.

I never thought it was a bad thing, so I never understood why I always caught so much flack for it. Everyone is always so busy being gretzy about everything and bringing everyone else down with them. I’d rather be the weird happy girl that people think is oblivious. I’m really not, I just refuse to get sucked into all that negativity. It’s really not worth it.

Smile! Sparkle! Shine!

All, Random

Alexa. Was I Just Paranoid?

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I broke down and joined the bandwagon.
I purchased two Echo Dots the other day.

When they first came out, I was very much against anything of the sort. I was paranoid about them listening to everything we say. Not that it’s a major deal, we aren’t doing anything illegal or concerning. It’s just uncomfortable. Not to mention, a few other disturbing things I heard about them.

At that time, I dismissed them altogether.
I really just never thought I would ever have one. Until now.

My fiance thought it would be a good idea to have them for a few reasons. The one feature that I do like the most so far, is that we can use it as an intercom. I can talk to him quickly and easily when he is in the basement. Or if he needs something, he doesn’t have to take the stairs unnecessarily. He has multiple sclerosis, so it can sometimes pose a difficult task. That alone, makes it worth it. And of course, I found the best deal that I could.

Part of me is actually excited to try it out. I do love technology.
Also, I really think I’m over my paranoia.

Was it just me? Or do others have concerns with Alexa and other similar services?

All, Random

Can Dinner Just Be Less Stressful?

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I somehow went from very rarely cooking some extremely basic items, to cooking 2 meals a night for dinner. I never learned to cook. It was all hands on disasters. I tried to learn in my twenties, but was faced with more criticism than success. I pretty much didn’t care much after that. I got lucky over the years that I never had to cook a lot or other people did it. Until recently.

My fiance did the cooking for a bit. He taught me a few things here and there and helped me to build my kitchen confidence. I’m nowhere close to making big fancy meals, but at some point I’ve taken over our daily dinners. Except, I seem to be making a lot of double meals lately.

I can eat mostly anything. I’m not picky and I am fine with leftovers. However, my daughter and fiance each have their quirks when it comes to food. Either they don’t like the same foods, or they have to be prepared a particular way. Even a TV dinner has to be tweaked before I can serve it.

I’m grateful that I finally have the desire to cook now, but I just wish it was a little less stressful. I’m working on learning new recipes in hopes of finding more agreeable meals for everyone.

What kinds of quick and easy meals do you like to make?

All, Random

Is It Just Me And My Anxiety?

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Against my better judgement, I ventured out today. I had to. We were really low on groceries. I packed my sanitizer, got my mask on, and shoved my anxiety down as far as I could.

The amount of people that are still out and about is amazing to me. I just don’t understand it. Whether, I chose a bad time or not. There shouldn’t be this many people out! Not to mention, they are oblivious to social distancing rules and are rude.

There’s a good portion of people not wearing masks. I realize it’s a choice, but I feel more comfortable wearing one and seeing others wearing one.

I went to a drive through and asked why they weren’t a wearing mask. They replied that they aren’t sick, so there’s no point.
But what if they are? What if they picked it up from a customer and didn’t realize it, didn’t have any symptoms, and continued to spread it to others. That scares me.

The other night, we ordered take out. The delivery guy got entirely too close to me and touched me. He had no mask and no gloves. I didn’t want to be rude and tell him to back off, but I was getting close. What happened to contact-less delivery?

Am I being completely ridiculous?