I’m currently updating things again. I wonder if anyone ever notices. Or if they get irritated when I move something. I change things a lot, but who is really paying that much attention. Whenever I’m able to, I kind of just constantly try to improve, update, add content, and more. Then I sit back, hoping and wondering if anyone is out there watching.

I know I could do more with my site if I focused more, but I honestly have a lot on my plate that I should be more focused on. I feel like this is my outlet, where I can express myself to an extent. With that, I also feel selfish when I’m working on it, or writing a post. But then, later, when I see my stats, it makes me feel like I was actually being productive. That makes me happy.

But, then I get nervous. I wonder if everything looks okay. Does my site make sense? Did they find anything helpful? Will they return? I get inspired to write, but I want it to be valuable or interesting content. I then realize I haven’t written a post in a while and wonder if people think my site isn’t active or current. I panic and wonder what I should write about. My mind races, and goes blank. I can’t think straight. My anxiety takes over.

Sometimes, I’ll just post about something already on my site. In most cases, I write nothing. It takes a lot in me to not draft a post, and hit that publish button. When I do, I wonder what anyone thinks about what I had to say, when I finally said it. It’s not like I’m even controversial or anything. I just always wonder and worry.

A lot of times, I will then get side tracked with something else. This gets put on the back burner, and I wonder if anyone is looking forward to updates.

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